Time to use some crowd control?

Thank you dr Gary I will do as soon as I get my results ..
God bless you you help so many people. Anxiety is horrible it's so heartbreaking to suffer it but you can learn to cope with it .
Thanks :-)

mandy, you are welcome. It is so great to be in touch with you. Please keep me posted, and let me know how I can be a support for you. Gary

Oh, Dr. Gary…
I really want to read this. But each time I try, I read the first sentence, and cry.

I'm stuck at my abusers' (family's) house …I can't stand who's currently surrounding me. And since I have no car to get away in: I can't chose either. When I'm around them for too long, I start hating myself, picking up on their negativity, thinking that the things they say are true, etc. And now (maybe it's the medication) it's like I can handle more, so more is coming up in my mind and it's scary. But even on a basic level, PTSD aside:

I usually don't like who I am around them.

But the hubby and I haven't been able to pay bills without them. It keeps me under their thumb and coming back. Keeps me feeling worthless and stuck and hopeless.

I'm not in therapy because I can't afford it. I'm taking medication (I've ADHD & Bipolar 2, as well), but we can't pay for rent every month, even before my medication expenses. I'm not sure if I can work… I'm trying to apply, but I'm triggering and taking too long and I'm terribly scared (especially as one of my dream-jobs is open right now). So I keep having to come back to my folks for help.
… I don't know what to do.

At the same time, I'm wondering how healthy it is to have a relationship with my family in general. But I feel like I'm powerless over that decision because of money.

Hey SpartanWoman,

Thanks so much for checking in here and letting me know what's going on with you, and how my article affected you.

I felt sad when I read your post. It sounds like you are feeling very stuck, not able to get the treatment that you need, and having to be in an uncomfortable situaion with your parents due to financial problems.

I am glad to hear that your husband is kind and supportive. It is so important to have emotional support. I don't know where you live but I am wondering if you have any kind of community mental health resources where you live. I suspect you have looked into that, but just in case.

I hope you will set limits where you can, and take the best possible care of yourself. I know this isn't easy right now.

Stay in touch with us. You have a lot of support right here.

Gary

Abuse was all kinds… physical, emotional, sexual… mostly by my Dad. Followed by my Uncles. Verbal abuse all the way across the board. Crazy family.

I also used to have recurring nightmares of my Dad raping me. But only when I was younger and lived at home. They were in first person (which I usually never dream in). During sex with my husband a few weeks ago, I had somewhat of a flashback to the nightmare. It's been haunting me this whole time.

I had split my dad into two people. The abuser. And the person who loves me. But during this trip, after my mom turned him down after he inappropriately propositioned her even though he knew she couldn't, and after making her feel bad about it, he started acting creepily towards me again (although may just have been me being triggered?). I've been afraid to fall asleep. …I almost wish things would go back to the way they were. At least I could block stuff out then.

But I have left friends over far far far less than this.

…I'm so angry that they're the ones financially blessed right now, and that it's not my husband's family. Who is good and sweet and kind.

I am so sorry to hear abouut this. It is so sad to hear how you were treated by men that you should have been able to trust, when you were not able to defent yourself. I hope you are taking good care of yourself by setting limits where you reasonably can, and protecting yourself emotionally and in every other way. I am glad you have the support of your husband.

Amen to Dr. Gary Im right there with ya.helping others helps myself ! And mandy your not the only one up at night . :)

Hey Rocky, glad this was helpful to you. I hope you are doing well! Gary

These

Sorry. These days I have to force myselves into going places where I know I am cared for or cared about, otherwise I will isolate myself from everyone. I don't want to be a burden to my family and friends and that is what I am right now.
I am overwhelmed with both flashbacks and depression, I don't want to overwhelm them too. God, I hate being me. I hate my life. I am so sad all the time. I don't know what else to do.

Thanks for taking the time to write about what's going on in your life. That's what your friends on PTSD Connect are here for. I am glad to hear that you are at least going places where people are caring and supportive, even if you have to force yourself. You are doing it, and that is good self-care. Are you currently in treatment? This would be a really good time to reach out for help. What you are experiencing is treatable. Don't go through this alone!

we are in treatment

I am glad to hear this. I hope you are taking to your counselor about how you are feeling, and your concerns about being a burden to your loved ones. Please stay in touch and let me know how you are doing.

Thank you that really helped me. I having been just recently making big changes in the company I keep. I have PTSD, I used to suffer panic attacks through suffering mental and physical domestic abuse, recently divorced after 20 yrs. I was healed from panic attacks through reading the bible psalm 91, I was sikh 40 years of my life, I now go to healing conferences at my church so reading this was so helpful as I've been on a journey where some people were holding me back. Reading this answered all my questions. Thank you for such good reading! I've not really had family support but a lot of support of friends through church and non Christian friends too. However I have been through so much judgment, my condition is holding me back from getting a job, as I sleep during the day not at night, but I'm so thankful to Jesus for healing my panic attacks. I often get people mock me about me being up in the night, even my best friend has said a few things about my condition and that really hurt because if someone had cancer you wouldn't have a disagreement and throw that at them, it's because it makes people think you are not normal. My ex husband spent years calling me mental saying I have OCD but I got diagnosed after 13yrs of suffering abuse to find it's PTSD. After reading this I realised which friends are right for me. Thank you again god bless.

Hi Mandy,

Great to hear from you. First, I am really happy to hear that you have made so much progress. Your involvement in your church, and embracing your reliigious beliefs, has made such a big difference in your life. That's great.

It's important to surround yourself with people who can really be there for you, who accept who you are, and want to support you in dealing with your challenges in life. I am glad to hear that you are focusing your attention on bringing more of those people into your life. Those are the ones to keep close!

Thanks! And blessings to you, too. Stay in touch!

Gary

Thank you Dr Gary, for reading my very vague message, I could write a book about what I suffered in silence with no medical help. I am truly thankful that someone can see that my new found beliefs have made a huge difference to my life. Thankyou you are someone who had a small amount of info about my sufferings, to read that was good! I am finally starting counselling at my church as I feel a a Christian counsellor is what I really need. I've been to the priory 13 yrs ago and was left with tablets all these years and no help or counselling my gp continued to write repeat prescriptions for 13 yrs. To have very severe panic attacks and to be healed is my strong link to Jesus, the first day I walked into that church I was a nervous wreck crying shaking so I may not be where I want to be but I'm not where I was.

I've been divorced 3 yrs now and never missed a conference at church every Tuesday. I am low at times because I want to be "normal" as the world puts it. I want to go back to work. I have a 18 yr old daughter who has been an angel through my condition without her I couldn't have done it.

I keep reading about flash backs I get future flashes where I have fear about my mum dying. She has chronic heart failure and on top of my condition I spent two months looking after her by her bed in hospital I stayed up everynight I got mocked by family saying I'm weird because I stay awake at night, but out of all my siblings I was the one by my mums bed travelling up and down the motorway each day. It is very hard I can't do things I want to do in the day. I sleep very well just not at night. It's 7 am almost I'm typing a reply to you I havent slept yet.

My ex husband used to beat me up through the night when my children were sleeping I was on the domestic violence register with the police. I never got him arrested. I never told my parents for 20 yrs to protect my mum. She had had a heart attack 6 months after my marriage. So I'd be up all night panicking how I'd cope with school runs kids etc with bruises until it became a night problem. He broke my finger, toe, arm, ear bone, wrist, bruised my head arms legs it was all reported luckily so I was in court for 18 months.

Dr Gary I now have to talk about this all with a church counsellor I may need CBT. Not sure what the assessment will be. My appointment is next Tuesday. It took 3 yrs to be ready for this.

You will be pleased to know after reading your article I made changes and since then lastnight at my healing conference I felt even more connected because the time I wasted on the phone to these people I've been listening to radio and tv podcasts on my phone. Joyce Meyer she is amazing. She was sexually abused as a child and overcame so much pain through Jesus. Please keep writing these words if advice because you are blessed when you do so because you are helping people that are poor in spirit.

I have gone through PTSD as a condition I have few symptoms of OCD but not the disease. Although those are much less in the past yr. On top my condition a divorce case 18 months and changing my religion has been very difficult coming from a Sikh background.

I could talk for England so I must finish by saying thank you again & god bless

Mandy.

I could sense some of your fear and pain as I read your post. I know what it's like your worries about your mum. I have experienced many worries about my own mom. She went into the hospital on my middle daughter's eleventh birthday and a day later we discovered she had stage 4 lung cancer.

I was a full time college student and mother of four and it was the beginning of last year of school. I would travel an hour a way to see my mom once or twice a week because she had been living in an assisted living home for the past 15 years.

I would sit with her and quietly hold her hand during chemo. Thankfully, she was able to know that I graduated college and she got to hear the excitement in my voice when I told her about landing my elementary school teaching position. I was able to hear her say she was proud of me and I heard her say that she loved me without me prompting her to do so, for the first time that I could ever remember and I was 33.

The summer before I was to begin work mom got sick and went into the hospital. The home where she had been living said she couldn't come back that her needs were beyond their ability. I traveled daily to see her alone or with one of my daughters. I was alone when the dr. told me I had weeks left. My gran and my aunts wouldn't come see her in the hospital. They wouldn't come help me get a room ready at my house for her or help me move her belongings.

They only came one time to see her during the three most precious weeks I ever had with my mom. That's for them to live with, I tell myself. You see my mom became ill with scizophrenia when I was only four. She didn't get to raise me.

My gran and two aunts refused to help take care of me and sent me 1000's of miles away to live with my dad who I didn't even remember but, soon learned what a monster he was.

I just wanted to say that I went years suffering alone the whole time I was thinking that I was ending up mentally ill like my mom… no therapy, no support, and no one that I felt cared or loved me and then with help I realized that I wasn't alone at all. I had Jesus he was my friend in the midnight hour, my Prince of Peace and my healer. He's so much more than that… there's just not enough words to tell.

I must have missed this message from you so sorry mikassey.. Your message brought tears to my eyes..and your words about Jesus I could feel that feeling it's awesome that feeling he I'd great, yes prince of peace, he's my husband I don't need a man because I know he will never forsake me.. You are truly blessed to feel that. I'm sure he will give you complete healing I will pray for you..I promise.. So sorry to hear about your mum.I told my counsellor on Tuesday I said I have so much fear to loose my mum, I feel my ex husband took 20 yrs of my life like I've been in prison and got released and my mums gone old I missed all them yrs to violence and abuse. And now I have this condition which restricts how much time I spend with her.
But I have faith Jesus has a plan for my life.
You are very brave and been through so much. I hope you have a peaceful happy future., Dr Gary is very encouraging we are blessed to have his words..
Take care
Mandy :-) keep smiling!

Hi mikasey,

Your story really impacted me. I don't know what else to say.

What you have been through, such unfathomable abuse and loss, is really a tragedy. It is gratifying to know that you were able to be there for your mom when she needed you, that she was able to see how successful you had become and enjoy her grandchildren. What beautiful memories you were able to create.

My mom died during the summer of 2010. Her needs had also outgrown her assisted living facility and we were left with diffficult decisions. My siblings and I had some great moments with her during her last month.

I am happy that your faith has brought so much into your life, that you feel supported, cared for, loved. You deserve it. And I am glad you are here with us on PTSD Connect!

Gary

Hi Mandy,

I SO appreciate that you took the time to share what's been going on in your life. I hope a lot of other members also read your post.

You really have been through so much. Women who have been abused by their husbands hold a special place in my heart. I hear many of these stories, and feel so sad for women who have been treated thos poorly by men they trusted and loved. I am glad that you advocated for yourself and it sounds like this is behind you. Also happy to hear that your daughter has been such a support for you.

It's wonderful that you have found a supportive home base through your church, and that you can also receive counseling there. That is really great. If you can get some exposure to CBT in your counseling, that would also be a great thing. I am hoping that you and your church counselor really connect. I hope you will be patient and work with the process.

I am so glad that my article was helpful to you. I will definitely keep at it!

It sounds like you are in a very good place in your life, and getting better and better.

Mandy, let's make sure we stay in touch! Many blessing to you!

Take care,

Gary

Hi Dr Gary,

Thank you for your reply, I'm so grateful for your kind words and comments. My appointment is today she is supervisor to all the counsellors so hopefully she can help. I need a breakthrough now as I refuse to stay in this on-going problem, it's very hurtful to have to let people down sometimes during the day because I sleep during the day. I don't have problem sleeping it's the time I sleep. I suppose that's what PTSD is having inbuilt symptoms because of the past abuse.

Your article has really changed things for me I've got rid of some of the friends I had and intact I've made a new friend from church my age, I also listened to a podcast the other day which said if you are with the wrong people that are bad for you then Their spirit rubs of on you. I was not going forward as certain friends were holding me back from my healing.

Yes I am a lot better because the stress attacks/panic attacks have gone but the damage left needs to be dealt with. I was in denial. Yes I will ask her about CBT. She will finish her assessment today and give me my answers hopefully. She has said she will probably also give me scriptures from the bible to meditate on that are specifically for my condition.

However last night a woman tried to attack me in a supermarket carpark so unfortunately I experienced an anxiety attack as my fingers went numb and I couldn't breathe normal followed by palpitations I wasn't so much upset she tried to mug me attack me but I was upset that I think I hah an anxiety attack after three years. I did except it after a few hours and the police had CCTV footage. She did scuffle with me in order to steal my purse and phone. I managed to run. I didn't need this before my appointment but I'm not cancelling my appointment. It's time I sorted this hold back on my life.

Yes I would love to stay in you touch.

Thank you I will try to be patient and work with the process. I have avoided doing this for 15 years, but really only 3 yrs since he was removed by the police.

God bless you, your words were very encouraging. Thank you ..

Take Care
Mandy.

Hi Mandy,

So, it is Tuesday. I am wondering how your appointment went. Can you give me an update whey you have a chance? I hope things went well!

Again, so glad that you are going into counseling. It could really make a difference in your life.

My gosh, so sorry to hear that you were attacked. That is terrible. I'm glad you managed to protect yourself. It's great that you are not canceling your appointment. It might even help to talk to the counselor about what happened. And yes, one day at a time.

I will look forward to an update!

Gary

Hi Dr Gary,

Thank you for your message. Much appreciated.
I didn't cancel my appointment, it was a bit overwhelming discussing past traumas that I didn't want to think about as I never thought the day would come where it becomes my past memories. But in order to tackle my condition I have no other choice. She needs to see me a third time to make a full assessment because there is too much for her to know.

She was very pleased about this app I've joined. She said I'm so pleased that whilst waiting for your next appointment you joined PTSD support.

She wants to give me spiritual CBT, she was amazed by how the bible has controlled me checking my cooker for several hours to ten minutes and how my panic attacks have been healed. She discussed however the problem that is holding me back my night problem. She explained why I have this and said I've done most of the work by myself. It's just the PTSD in my sub conscious which is there as a result of repeated violence during the night for 14yrs. She gave me some scriptures to read also that relate to sleep in the book of psalms.(bible).

My last part of my assessment Is In two weeks. Yes the lady that tried to attack me was a drug addict who was desperate for money. I did have a bad headache having to discuss my violent attacks by my ex-husband after being attacked by a woman the night before my appt. But after my counselling even though I wanted to go home and miss my healing conference that I've never missed every Tuesday for 3yrs I stayed at church and waited for the conference to start at 7.30 pm it was amazing I'm glad I stayed because the songs (worship) was fantastic I think singing & praying for other sick people with Terminal illnesses mainly cancer put my condition into perspective, my priest prayed for 50+ people in the front and anointed them with oil, I didn't go to the front to be prayed on because I asked god to give my healing to those people if it was my turn next.

I think going to that service after took all the trauma I had rekindled in my mind away so by the time I went home at 11pm it didn't feel so bad.

My pastor gave me the perfect scripture " for god has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind, reject the fear, claim the power of a sound mind", that is awesome.

Thank you so much for replying to my messages my church elders were very happy that I could tell you about my journey going through divorce after 20 yrs with two teenagers and changing my religion is such a huge change at the same time.

It is a hard battle to conquer this PTSD left in my life but I have to do it so I can live a normal life before the violence & mental bullying and abuse.

God Bless you reading this..

Mandy.

I have meditated on that same scripture as well as fear not for I am with you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.. praying for you :)

I love that scripture too.. You will be ok you have faith in god..good always comes from suffering.. God is always with you..praying for you too..I will put your name up on the prayer chapel .. Take care Mandy ..

For I know the thoughts that I think towards you says the Lord, Thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. God wants to use the bad things in our lives for our good to help us in the long run make heaven our home. He doesn't cause bad things to happen he just makes beauty out of ashes when ever bad things do happen. I pray for all of you here on ptsdconnect often.

HI Mandy,

I really have appreciated the opportunity to communicate with you about what's been going on in your life and what you are doing to take care of yourself. I am honored that you would take the time to stay in touch and share your experiences with me and I hope that, in turn, I have been a support for you.

Spirituality and CBT can walk hand in hand. Your faith will empower your treatment, and CBT will help you to integrate your beliefs more fully into your daily life. An incredibly powerful approach! I am really happy for you. It sounds like you are in good hands — God's hands, and the hands of supportive and talented people within your church.

I like the scripture that your pastor gave you. It really describes the potential for healing, spiritually and emotionally.

And I am glad that you are able to be source of support and, I am sure, strength, for others. That will certainly contribute to your own healing.

I hope you have a great weekend!

Please keep me posted!

Gary

Hi Dr Gary,

Thank-you for such a lovely message. I think I should be the one who is honoured for your time in responding to my messages. Sorry for the late response, I have had a few rocky days after my counselling, because I took the letters from my court case to my counsellor they made reference to my injuries and attacks by my ex husband with a few letters from when I was really ill with delayed post natal depression, they unsettled me remembering and realising how I had no help 14years back. After a while I realised how Christianity has certainly changed me into who I am today, so I decided to accept that I may not be where I want to be with this PTSD but I'm not where I was. I also had to discuss the sexual harassment I suffered by my ex father-in-law so its no wonder why I was a bit down after my appointment.

Your message is just what I needed to be positive. I think spiritual CBT is definitely going to be best for me it will help me re train my mind everything from scratch my counsellor says to make me see that the night is safe for me to sleep instead of staying awake. At the same time it brings my faith closer.

You definitely have been a great support, my counsellor was well impressed that I had joined this support app. I will definitely tell my pastor Dave and Pastor Peter how you have wrote such kind words and respect towards my church. On a Tuesday at my ministry of healing conferences they often read out amazing testimonies, and places all around the world that have praised the church. I think my pastors will be very happy to hear what you wrote. I hope my story will help other people here to give them hope in god and also recognise how lucky they are to be on this support app. I wish I had had this when I was so ill and was being attacked every other night.

I am at a crossroads with my PTSD and I want to desperately be fully healed as my son is the one who broke down crying and made me realise I have to do this for him he wants me to be normal and be the way I was before the mental & physical abuse. It's just my night problem however I'm happy that my panic attacks are not taking over my life anymore. I know there are ladies on this support group that have been through much worse than me all I can say is I hope they get healed and renewed.

I will definitely keep you informed. It's so encouraging picking up your messages. Thank you Dr Gary and god bless you..,

Mandy…

HI mandy,

It has been awhile. I am sorry I ddn't respond to your kind words back in November. I am glad to hear that I have been able to help you in some way. You are doing so much to get better. You are an insiratiion!

Please give me an update when you have a chance.

Gary

Gosh Dr. Gary,
You have certainly put somethings into perspective for me and reminded of things I figured out the hard way.
I was in the hospital last Easter because the stress in my life and ptsd symptoms were so out of control that I wanted to die and had a plan to make it happen. A few days after I came home my older brother told me to stop living in the past and to get over it. I told him that if he couldn't support me then I couldn't have him in my life and just recently began to speak with him again. I have a lot of relatives who are negative in my life, others simply don't understand. I have always been withdrawn and have preferred the company of a thick book than that of people many times growing up. I have friends but few that are lasting friendships. I know I need a stronger network of supporters and am working on ways to make that happen.

As far as the supportive people I do have? Priceless, about sums them up.

HI!

Glad to hear from you!

Sorry to hear that your brother said something so insensitive to you. I suspect that he may have been very scared what happened to you and didn't know how to tell you that, so instead he expressed his fear as anger. You're right, not at all helpful. For those who can't be supportive, it seems best just to let them be but not be brought down by them.

It's good to hear that you do have supportive people in your life. You're right, they are priceless. Balance between the quiet time and the time with friends is important.

Thank you for sharing here! I hope your week is off to a good start!

Gary